Wow...where do I even begin?
How does one describe an experience akin to heaven, to life itself?
Y'know...I came to LilacBoxd a broken shell of a woman, lost in the depths of millions of online sites aiming to exploit my curiosity and impulses. Pages designed to trap me in a never-ending spiral of unskippable ads, false news, and truly horrifying images I will never erase from my poor, feeble mind.
Twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week for the past forty-six years, I’ve sat in this dark, desolate room scrolling through the internet, scouring through the trenches of the World Wide Web in search of a site to finally put an end to my Sisyphean existence; but just as the gods decreed Sisyphus’ endless toil for salvation, I was stuck a slave to my computer screen, longing for a sweet release from this cold prison. My journey took me through the bowels of Reddit, GitHub, Wikipedia, and the farthest obscure corners of the internet. But alas…each site proved to be more terrible than the last.
Years passed on BuzzFeed and decades on PornHub. I was beginning to lose hope. One day, I decided to end this cruel, merciless existence; I knew it was time to kill myself…
I stood from my chair, walked towards the most insidious, treacherous place I knew, and turned on the faucet. The cold water hit the bath floor like a thousand bullets, striking gruesome flashbacks in my head. As I undressed, I began to weep, sob even. I lifted my foot to enter the torture machine as I dreamt of a world beyond the one I knew, beyond the horrible sites I’ve spent years scrolling through. All that work, all that time, and I still couldn’t find a website to free me from this curse and make me truly happy. Tears running, sweat dripping… And as my toes nearly touched the cold, wet floor, a sound rang from my back pocket.
Ding
It was a message from my amazing smart funny incredible super cool best friend Alyssa Lau, begging me for the 90th goddamn fucking time to look at her website and leave a comment. I stepped back and contemplated. I had avoided looking at her website for weeks now, largely due to my hatred for her and, in fact, the entire Asian American race. But something felt different that day; something felt new...
I turned off the faucet, wiped away my tears, and tucked my heavy keister back into my sweatpants. One last chance, I thought. Or else it’s really over.
I sat again, turned on the computer just as I’ve done every day for the last four decades, and typed: L-I-L-A-C-.-R-O-C-K-S. I clicked the search button, and suddenly…life had meaning again.
It’s been sixteen years since that incredible day, and I still haven’t looked away from my computer screen. But it’s no longer because I’m searching for the perfect site. It’s because I finally found it.
The rankings, the reviews, the categories, the imagery and styling—every pixel of this website is absolutely incredible. Her commentary on the political and socioeconomic motifs of true American classics like Hot Fuzz and The Minecraft Movie made me absolutely whimper for joy! M-mmh..ng…
Where else can I shed tears of joy over the ending to Grave of the Fireflies while still unwinding from my emotions during Minions: Rise of Gru? I laughed, I sobbed, I screamed, I came. LilacBoxd truly has it all.
Words truly cannot express how much this site has changed my life. I’ve matured, expanded my knowledge of multimedia content, and I’m proud to say I have been shower-free ever since my last attempt all those years ago. I’m also learning all about the benefits of watching Project Hail Mary 8 times since its release in March! I’ve even started to grow a little fond of Asian American people, but I still prefer to keep my distance…
Readers, please explore all that this impeccable website has to offer. Check out the gallery and monthly spread of movies.
Is the Tags page completely broken? Yes.
Do only like 10% of the movies have actual written reviews? Also yes.
But this website is so much more than its silly little kinks. It’s a community, a safe space, an escape from the brutality of this heartless world. It’s a place where quirked-up little white girls like me can write 800-word reviews about absolutely nothing. Please… don’t do what I did for so many years. Don’t mindlessly scroll through thousands of deepfake images of Hobama fan art, as hot as they are. Don’t spend seventy-two dollars on your fourth purchase of the TikTok shop rose toys (I’m still waiting on those last three orders, Shou Zi Chew). Instead, just visit this website.
Come to LilacBoxd; come..home. 
hi alyssa its elytra hi hello how r u 
goated 
girlfriends
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